Sunday, May 2, 2010


Ok there, I said it. I'm a scared'y cat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm scared of: bumble bees, sharks, being robbed at gunpoint, someone breaking into my house while we're sleeping, death, my kids getting a fatal disease, getting cancer, roaches, something happening to someone I love, letting someone down, a tree falling on our house, not seeing my dad in heaven, etc...etc....etc. Like I said, I'm a scared'y cat! Big time!! But the thing I'm the most scared of is....the end times.

I'm a Christian, and I know Christians shouldn't be scared of the end times. But. I. am. Antichrist. Christians fighting for their lives. War. Mother Nature going crazy. I've always been scared of this, but today was the first time that I realized just how much this fear was affecting my spiritual life. For the past year, I've been thinking that I fell into a pit. I've been trying to get out, but I've gotten no where. Well, today after hearing a sermon at church, I figured out that I'm not in a pit. I'm under bondage. A bondage of fear. A paralyzing fear. Something deep down inside of me wants to break free, but my flesh is just too scared. Just like I don't watch the news because I don't want to hear of bad things....I don't want to read the Word or deepen my spiritual walk, because I don't want to know what other bad things are going to happen. What are my kids going to do? Will they survive this crazy world after I'm gone? If it's this bad now, then what will it be like in 20 years? 10 years? NEXT YEAR, for crying out loud?!!?

So, there is no doubt that I'm in the middle of spiritual warfare. Satan knows that fear is my greatest weakness. It doesn't take much to make me afraid of something. So, he (satan) is having a HAY-DAY with this!!! Satan's goal since the beginning of time has been to lead Christians astray. Make them question their faith. Make them question God. Make them question eternity. But you know something.....satan will NOT win this battle.

Last week, I googled "Beth Moore" to see what bible study I wanted to start. Automatically I thought of the "Get Out of the Pit" book, but for some reason her "Breaking Free" study kept standing out to me. Well, now I know why. I don't need to get out of a pit....I need to BREAK FREE!!!!!!

I plan on starting the study tomorrow, and I feel led to blog about it. Maybe daily. Maybe weekly. I don't know. But I want yall to join me on this journey. You may not be under the same bondage as I am, but if you're under ANY bondage at all then break free with me!

Thank yall for allowing me to be honest with yall. It's not something I'm proud of at all, but it's real. It exists in my life. I'm ready to be free. And I'm willing to share my testimony in hopes that it will help someone else out there. I'd love some feedback throughout this journey, if you feel led.

weighed down with fear,


  1. Enjoyed this post so much friend!! Gosh, do I feel the same way- fear and worry. Thanks for sharing... love you!

    Brandi B :)

  2. Tonya,

    When I read this ,it was like reading my own words. I feel the SAME way!! I have been wrapped up in so much fear its crazy.(even with bugs....uhh I hate them)haha I am just trying to give it all to God which is hard sometimes.Josh's mom gave me Beth Mooore's breaking free, Its been really awesome,Its just what I needed. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings. Your family is so beautiful!!
    love in christ
    Candace Sanders