Saturday, July 31, 2010


Ok, so I've gone from blogging twice a week to once a month. Yall, I just do NOT have time to blog anymore!!!!! Soooo...I was thinking the other night and came up with a perfect solution! I'm just going to blog at the end of every month and give a brief recap. And that way I don't feel so guilty when I forget to do "Ton's Thoughts on Thursday" or "Friday's Friend." I was going to stop blogging all together, but I get great responses from people when I pour my heart out into this silly blog. Sooo....I'm not leaving just yet. And you can count on the fact that I won't limit myself to just once a month. I will share what's on my heart when I feel the need!

So, here's what happened in July:

*Parker turned 10 months!
During this month he....learned how to crawl up our stairs, says & waves bye bye, started eating table food for every meal, has gotten at least 238403 goose eggs on his head (one actually called for an ER visit!), hates bathtime (because he had an underwater adventure that he did not like!), has developed such a fun/funny personality, puts any phone up to his ear and starts "talking", doesn't like formula anymore (this month we're introducing whole milk!), and STILL HAS NO TEETH!?!????!

*We took a family trip to Bonita Springs, FL
17 hours on the road....34 hours total! The kids were great!!!!! We had a full 4 days in Florida, and we had the best time! Michael won this trip through his job at Farm Bureau. We stayed at a beautiful resort and enjoyed time by the pool, at the beach, shopping, eating, and hanging out with great friends!

*We took Abby to see Storytime Live in Jackson
The day after we got back from Florida, we told Abby we had a surprise for her. She lovesssssssss surprises!!! When we got to Thaila Mara Hall, she realized that we were going to "meet" Dora, Kai Lan, The Wonderpets, and The Backyardigans. She was SO excited!

*Our Hatti Besties came to visit
The Essers made a trip to Brookhaven! Ever since we've had Parker and they've had Caleb, we've done a TERRIBLE job of making trips to see eachother. But as always, we had the best time....and couldn't even tell that it had been a month since we'd hung out!

*Baby Collin was born!!!!!!!!
Ryan and Whitney are dear friends of ours. We've known them for three years without any kids, but now God has blessed them with a sweet baby boy. I am just SO excited for them!!! I can't wait til he gets his shots so we can have his "welcome out" party!

*I got glasses
I started having real bad headaches, everyday! And I could tell my vision was a little off. Sooo....for the first time in my life, I made an eye appointment. The doctor told me that I had very minor vision problems, but it's the minor problems that cause the bad headaches. So, I have glasses now. I don't have to wear them all the time....just whenever I feel like I need them. (I could really use them right now, since I've been on the computer for over an hour...but they're in my car, and I'm just too lazy to go get them!)

*My sister graduated!
Lauren just graduated from Dental Assistant School at Hinds. I am SO SO SO proud of her! She absolutely loves what she does!! She has put in her resume at different places around the Jackson area, but she's also thinking about moving out of state. I told her to GO FOR IT! She's never lived away from home, and I think this would be a good learning experience for her!

I know I'm probably leaving out alot of stuff, but I've been on this computer for way too long!'s 2 hours past my bedtime! haha!!!!! But before I leave, alot of people have been asking 2 things:

1-No, I'm not pregnant. Sorry to leave yall hanging. I did end up taking like 6 pregnancy tests and they all came back negative.
2-I still don't know anything else about my dad's health. Obviously I've talked to him since that night, but he hasn't said anything else about it....and I haven't brought it up. Thanks to everyone who called, messaged, or emailed me. Yall have been such an encouragement to me! Please continue to pray for my dad!!

night night,

Thursday, July 8, 2010

~Ton's Thoughts on Thursday~

Yay!!!!!!!!!!! I'm actually getting to do this today!!! Michael took Abby to run some errands and Parker is watching Baby Einstein. I'm not sure how long this "me time" will last, so I better get to thinking....

Ok, so I had alot I wanted to talk about today, but all that has changed. I just got a phone call from my dad. A very disturbing call. As I'm typing this post, I am in tears. Tears of confusion. Tears of pain. Tears of worry. So, today is the day that I'll tell of my daddy issues.

My parents got divorced when I was 6 years old. I don't remember hardly anything about my parents being married. The only parts I do remember are things I'd rather NOT remember. My dad was and still is a real bad alcoholic. He was physically and verbally abusive to my mom. That's really all I've ever been told about their marriage, and I respect my mom for not revealing all the details. My dad had "every other weekend" custody of me and my sister while we were growing up. I remember having alot of fun with my dad, but I also remember him passing out on the couch in the middle of the day and leaving me and Lauren to fend for ourselves. He would also drink and drive and I would sit in the front seat and when he would start falling asleep, I would tell him to wake up. I had to learn to drive at the age of 12, because sometimes that was the only safe way for us to get home. I would call my mom sometimes and let her know when we were heading home and she'd call the police to see if they'd track us. But like I said, I do have good memories. We used to get together with all of my dad's family and have big cookouts. Even though all the adults would be drinking, me and all my cousins had so much fun together!

As I grew older, I would try to talk to my dad about his behavior. He would just get really mad at me, so I stopped voicing my opinion and started praying for him! I knew that nothing was impossible with God, but after years of unanswered prayers I began to question if it was even possible for dad to clean up his act.

I've shed many tears for my dad. Some of the tears have been over the guilt of not going to see him like I should. Some of the tears have been over the resentment of him not wanting to see me. He has always tried to provide for me and my sister. You can tell he wants to, but it's just like he doesn't really know how to love us to the fullest. There are barriers that I've never been able to conquer in my relationship with him. I don't think I'll ever be able to. I want to know that in the end, I have no regrets. Unlike my dad. I think he'll have alot of regrets. I think he does currently. One of those being the fact that he didn't walk me down the aisle, or even attend my wedding. I still can't really talk about that to anybody. It hurts. Bad.

It got even harder when I had kids. My dad was actually at the hospital for Abby's birth, but he only stayed for a little while and then left. He was not there when Parker was born. Again....that hurts. Since I've had kids, he has never once came to see them. I always bring them to him. He LOVES his grandchildren, but once again, there's a barrier there. A barrier that he doesn't know how to get through...or doesn't care to. I've tried not to take any of these things personal, because I know it's him. Not me. People have told me that I have done everything that I can do. It's his turn. I've tried to go on with my life and not go out of my way for someone who doesn't return the favor. But he's my DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll always love him with my whole heart, no matter what. I'll always want to go out of my way for him, even if that means driving 2 hours to see him only to get to his house and him be passed out on the couch.

But you know, out of all of that....there's a deeper issue. It's an issue that I have just discovered exists. My daddy issues have caused other issues. I've learned that growing up without a dad has hurt my heart beyond repair. Throughout high school, I was always looking for a guy to make me feel special. I wanted someone to fill my daddy void. And even now that I have found my husband, I still put pressure on him to fill that void. I've just recently learned that nobody can fill that void but my Heavenly Daddy. So, why is it so hard for me to allow that to happen? Because my view of my earthly daddy is clouding my view of who God is. It's hard for me to imagine that there's a God who is loving, who will never fail me or let me down, who will hold me in His arms and rock me. Because I never had a dad that would do those things. I just can't comprehend that kind of daddy love. I hope to understand and experience it one day though.

So, now I'll go back to the phone call I just got from my dad. I only talk to my dad about once every week or every 2 weeks. He usually calls to check on us and see how his grandbabies are doing. But tonight was different. I could sense distress. He told me that he's had a couple of "breakdowns" lately. I asked what he meant. All he said was that he had been to the doctor and the doctor told him his health was getting bad. Now, I'm not oblivious to the fact that my dad has been smoking and drinking since he was a teenager, but nothing prepares you for this kind of conversation. I asked him what this all meant. He wouldn't tell me. He just kept saying, "It's nothing, Tonya. I'm ok. I don't want you to worry about me." YES I'M GOING TO WORRY ABOUT YOU!!!!!!! Now, tell me what's going on. But he never would. Some might say that's selfish, and it is. But that's just how he is. He has never wanted to do or say anything that would hurt or scare me. He wants me to think he has it all together, even though I know better. So, that's what I'll do. I'll just keep loving him like I always have. And when, or if, he's ready to talk then I'll be there.

In the meantime, all I can do is pray for him. There's still time for God to perform a miracle. All I want out of this life is to see my family in heaven. Including my dad. Please pray for my dad. Larry Odom. Pray that God will save him and change him. God doesn't just work at youth camps and church services. He can save a 52 year old alcoholic as well.

Thank you for letting me get that out. As always, I hope this post will speak to someone else that is experiencing a similiar situation.

love never gives up,

Monday, July 5, 2010

B-O-R-I-N-G post!! there even a point in updating my blog if I have no pics to upload???? Y'all, I don't know what is wrong with me lately?! I took a pregnancy test yesterday hoping that would explain my memory loss, exhaustion, irritable moods, loss of interest in Facebook and blogging, etc etc etc. came back negative. I'm still not 100% convinced though. I'll probably take a few dozen more this week just to make sure.

If it turns out that I AM pregnant, you may wonder how Michael and I would feel about that. Well.....Michael is just hoping that I'm not.....yet. He wants another child, but he doesn't want one right this second. Me, on the other hand, I would be excited and overwhelmed. Excited because that would mean we'd be through having kids before the age of 30. Since I am a c-section mama, the doctors really only recommend that you have 3...maybe 4. Overwhelmed because.....well, just because! Two kids is crazy enough. Three kids would SUPA crazy!!!! But a huge blessing.

*I'm old!
So....I just turned 26 on June 24th. It was a FABULOUS birthday.....or should I say birthMONTH. Turning 26 was awesome. I got spoiled! I got an iPad, a new car, a new 5 piece set of luggage, a couple candles, a new "happy" for my HAPPY EVERYTHING plate, a wonderful lunch from my co-workers, a pearl necklace from my sissy, and LOTS of fabulous homemade happies from my baby girl! :) Oh Oh Oh, and I can't forget about my awesome "birthday party" at Paintin Sisters (it's Brookhaven's Easley Amused). 7 of my awesome friends, my mom, and one of my aunts were there to celebrate and paint with me! I can't WAIT to put up pics of our night. SOOOO fun!!! Turning 26 has already shown me a couple signs of aging. Michael and I went "out" (to Reed Pierce's) to eat and hear The Colonels and for the first time I realized that I'm an old fart. The band started playing at 9. How DARE them!!! Don't they know that's my bed time??? And we didn't leave there until 12. Yes, I was a zombie. But it was SO fun! Michael even got to get on stage and play 1 song with them. And the second sign of old age was when I was walking up the stairs to Sunday School the next morning and my knees felt like they were gonna give out. Sigh...

I've had the summer blahs. Things at work have been kinda slow, I've been sad about not being home with the kiddos, I've been opting to stay inside instead of beating the 100 degree heat to get a tan, etc etc. Needless to say, I need a vacation!!!!! 9 more days!!! Next Wednesday, me and the fam will be driving 14 hours to Bonita Springs, FL. Yes, FOURTEEN hours. We WILL be breaking the drive up.....for sanity reasons. This trip is courtesy of Farm Bureau. Well, actually courtesy of my husband's hard work!! In other words, this trip will be FREE!!! Even better! Every parent knows that a vacation with 1+ kid(s) is no vacation at all....but it will be a change of scenery. :)

*Kiddo Update
Abby is FINALLY "swimming" by herself. She has one of those life jacket swimsuits. Haha, you know what I'm talking about? Well, you put that on her and she turns into super toddler. Hopefully she'll be swimming without it by the end of the summer. If not, oh well.
Parker is weening himself off of the bottle. He has no interest in formula anymore. I'm not real sure if it has anything to do with the fact that I've introduced him to chocolate chip muffins, homemade mashed potatoes, cap'n crunch, cinnamon rolls, goldfish, and other yummy treats. No....that probably has nothing to do with it. Well, the doc doesn't want him to go totally without just yet. He says that Parker still needs the nutrients that formula offers, so he suggested that we start putting it in a sippy cup and then switching to whole milk next month. Gosh, my little baby boy is growing up way too fast!!

Ok, well it is almost 10:00 and I'm thinking that I'll have to call in sick tomorrow if I don't hurry and get my full 8 hours of sleep!! haha!!! And plus, I've volunteered to host Girl's Night Out tomorrow night and it's gonna be a video scavenger hunt! I've got lots to do to get everything ready. My goals for this week: post new pics on Facebook and blogger, hire a housekeeper, start making lists for our vacay, shampoo my carpet, get a tag for my freaking car, and make sure I'm not preggie before my new tanning appointment!!!

I hope everyone has a great week! Bear with me as I try to get caught up and get back on track with Thursday's Thoughts and Friday's Friend.


(ps-i've typed this whole post on my iPad and I'm not gonna proof read it. So, please forgive me if there are any errors)